2am? Must be time for some retail therapy.

I’M three weeks into motherhood and my bank account has already taken a hammering.

This is not, as you might think, because of the thousands of nappies, baby wipes and bottles of disinfectant I’ve already used. 

(And did I mentioned the nappies?! There are so many of them!)

Nor is it because every time I go to Tesco I end up buying yet more clothes for the baby (“but she’ll look soooo cute!” is justification enough, in my mind).

No, the reason my bank account is emptying faster than you can say ‘maternity pay’ is because I’ve developed a dangerous 2am addiction to eBay.

This is wholly thanks to my daughter, who turns into a mini-beast at midnight every single night and decides to begin a marathon, three-hour feed.

So what else am I supposed to do but batter mine (or even better, Smithy’s) PayPal accounts?!

Over the last few nights alone I’ve spent the gross domestic product of a small country buying things that in the cold light of day I slightly regret.

I’m now the not-so-proud owner of – among other things – a turquoise dustpan and brush, a purple clothes maiden, a jumper with a faux-fur trim (why?) and a dress that’s a size too small, but which I’m sure I’ll fit into one day, if I can just win a bid on a decent exercise DVD.

I’ve also bought thoughtful gifts for both Smithy and the baby – although, as my husband pointed out with a perplexed look on his face, matching Christmas jumpers might have been more useful three months ago.

I’m also finding my mood in the mornings is dictated less by how little sleep I’ve had, and more by whether I won that bargain Phase Eight dress or whether I was outbid at the last minute on a set of BNIB (brand new in box – get with the lingo, people) stainless steel pans.

So the half-asleep spending continues, much to the delight of my postman, who I must be single-handedly keeping in a job.

Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s 3am and I’ve got some serious shopping to do.

I’ve seen a set of cutlery that I don’t need, and it won’t buy itself now, will it?

Article first published in The Westmorland Gazette on March 19, 2015.


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