Sorry, deepest apologies, must do better…

I’ve not updated this blog in a very long time but I’m determined to do better this year. Consider this a (very late) New Years resolution?

I’ve previously used this site simply as another platform for my weekly column published in the Gazette, but this year I hope it will become a diary of sorts, documenting what is undoubtedly going to be the biggest learning curve of my life.

I began maternity leave on December 31 and my life has been very different since then. The first six weeks were spent resting and nesting as I prepared for what was to come. Not being in work anymore was a massive adjustment and it was strange suddenly having an expanse of time stretching ahead of me without anything to get up for.

In those six weeks I learned a lot: that I don’t suit not having a routine, that I need to have something to get up for every day and, above all else, that daytime TV is rubbish. I also realised that the postman wears shorts every day, even when it snows.

It was hard trying to reconcile my instinct (to be busy, busy, busy) with what my heavily-pregnant body could manage, which was not much. So I spent a lot of time eating chocolate biscuits and watching Grey’s Anatomy and wishing the baby would hurry up and make an appearance.

Then on February 24 my life turned upside down and inside out and I was thrown headfirst into motherhood, when my gorgeous daughter came into the world after a long (39 hours) and very painful labour (I realise there’s no other kind…)

The last three weeks, since then, have been spent in a daze of sleepless nights and nappies. I’m exhausted. I had no idea it would be this hard.

Now, eating a meal with two hands is a luxury, as is making a cup of tea, going to the loo or having a cuddle with my husband. These things are now done invariably to a backdrop of a baby’s cries.

However, the last three weeks have also been amazing. I had no idea I could love another human being so deeply and unconditionally; and loving my daughter like this has made me love my husband even more. I had no idea another person could cause me such fear and I’m now terrified of anything happening to this precious little baba. I also had no idea the smallest of smiles (in reality, probably wind…) could make my heart melt.

So over the next few months there will probably be a lot of posts about motherhood and its trials and tribulations, as well as my general thoughts/rants on life.

As always, please feel free to comment 🙂

Anna xx

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